Going round and round.

Really think I'm going crazy. I don't even know what I'm doing same routine everyday. I'm doing what everyone else wants. And not what I want. I sleep at 4. Wake up in th afternoon. Watch tv. Meet kristy in th evening. And my body auto wakes me up at 3. Go to th toilet. Purge. After I feel totally empty again. I go to sleep. And I feel sick. Tired. Having only one meal a day. And a cup of water every hour. Someone save me from this nightmare.

Unappreciated.

I'm sick of all th trying, when no one appreciates. I'm sick of trying so hard to be accepted by society. Of turning myself into a monster just so I'll be accepted. I really don't know who I am anymore. I am sick of making others happy. And not myself. I look forward to th day where I won't have to purge anymore. Look forward to th day where i won't have th urge to cut every time I look at an sharp object. I look forward to th day. Where I can be truthfully. Happy. Where I can just be me.

Skyrise Love

So i'm back in blogger? Hopefully more active. Because Here is th only way i can rant it all out. It's like. All these dirty secrets i'm dying to tell someone, So that i can get help. But it"s okay. Blogger is fine with me. I just miss having someone to talk to. Someone to fight for me. Someone who wants me so badly. I miss that feeling. Now. All i have to do is wake up at 3. Empty myself. And back to sleep. Well that is all for today. No one reads thus shit anyways, So this little voice is telling me to go eat, and do th same thing. So. Goodbye.

Wish someone would care.

Well, I just wonder if you guys care. To ask me if I'm alright. To call me out when you guys go out. To text me. Guys I just don't want to feel alone. I know it's useless to cry every-night. To wish that one if you can just give me a hug. To show me you care. Maybe to not gossip behind my back if that's possible. Yeah. Laugh at me getting abused. Because it never happened to you. So don't fucking tell me that you understand. Because YOU, fucking don't. Maybe u was just meant to be alone for th rest of my life. Talk to th rest, and not me. I see other good friends. And get envy. All because I'm always left out. I'm always th one that everyone hates. Wish I could just die. So that I don't have to force myself not to cry whenever I'm being left out. Or remember to breath when I realised that I'm not breathing because it's so hard to live. And come back to earth again. Just wish someone will treat me better.

SORRY,

To, G, S , CX, L.

Yeah i say i'm fine all th time. even if i'm not.
Yeah i lie. only to hide my pain. All because i know you have better things to care about.
I lied only because i know none of you will understand. Because all of you have loving parents. They don't beat you. They don't scream at you. They bring you out. They don't bring you down.
How would you know th pain, of getting burnt by a iron? Or getting beaten by a knife? All because you told your mum to throw it in th bin and not th sink? Or how many of you got punched in th face because you accidentally stepped on your mum's toe? None i'm guessing.
I read larissa's twitter. Yeah. She told me to stop saying i have a fucked up life.
How many of you went crying to sleep, praying that you won't have to wake up th next morning?
Yeah i've been feeling ignored by all of you. Me and richard both.
Yeah i hear people saying that all of you gossiped and back stabbed me. But i don't care.
Because someone once told me to "listen to your heart, Your mind is poison"
I still remembered, and will always remember.
My heart keeps telling me to love all of you no matter what happens.
Yeah all of you have something in common, Dance. And i don't. All of you are close to each other. Not me. Sometimes i feel lost. Feel left out. But i never ever say anything, Afraid of saying th wrong things and losing all of you. Maybe all of you are getting annoyed by my problems. So i won't say anything from now onwards. Whatever problems i have will be between me and him. Between me and my mum. Will be between us.

I fucking want you back.

I don't get why this is happening to us? Maybe its me. I miss you terribly. I just feel like ending everything, because maybe its better for both of us. And we should concentrate in our studies first?
I don't know. I'm just so fucking confused. Everytime we are suppose to talk about, we always get distracted with other people, And other subjects. Why? I don't get why. Why do we keep pretending like everything is going right. When everything is going so wrong? If you don't care, than i'm not going to give a shit either. You don't start a conversation? why should i? I tried, and failed. I just wanna hear th words "we'll be alright".
Will you? People say laugh it all. Sleep it through.
I cry it all. It keeps me awake through th night.
When you don't even bother about it. Thanks uh. Appreciate.

I don't wanna wake up tmr.

No one is gonna read my blog anyway, might as well pour my feelings.
So you blame me for not being a good child and all. Yeah, i freaking cut myself. Because i hate life, am tired of living and scared of dying. Call your self a parent? You can take that and shove it down your ass. I rather die and burn in hell than call you my parent.
REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?! You care more about your fucking face than me losing all my blood and life.
Everytime i see my friend's families. I am so jealous. WHY TH FISH AM I EVEN BORN IN THIS FAMILY?
I hate it here. I hate it on earth. You say i hurt you with my words? Have you ever thought about what you did and said? I bet you can't even remember what happened on th 8th of july last year?
Or what about th 24th of december 2009 i bet you forgot about everything.
But i never. One thing. I will never forget.
You can't even be a good mother, why own earth would i wanna talk to you about my problems? GO TO HELL, AND EAT SHIT.
Even osheana akka, say she'll be here, BLA BLA BLA.
ALL NOT TRUE! FAKE! LIES! FABLES!
LIARS! I WILL NEVER EVER TRUST ANYONE! AGAIN. Because now i know, by know our whole family tree would have known what happen.